Your followers don’t send flowers on your birthday or pick up soup at the store when you’re sick. They don’t hold the door open for you at the local coffee shop, or stop to say hi on your morning walk. They don’t hug you when you’ve had a bad day, check in on the status of your new job, or lend a hand when you’re halfway through a DIY project and realize you don’t, in fact, own a drill.
That is not real community.
I’ve toyed with the idea of getting back on social media too many times to count, and every time I do, it’s usually because my brain tells me I can use it as a tool to build community (and social media is that, a tool). These platforms make us feel like we’re connected, like we know what’s going on in each other’s lives, like we’re finally being seen. But in reality, that’s not true. Social media is only pulling us further away from those things. We are nothing but a forgettable, fleeting moment on someone else’s screen.
I had to get real with myself. Was I actually craving community? Or, was I really just craving the idea of visibility? The idea of seeming important and not being forgotten? The idea of external validation through likes, follows, comments, and views? Self awareness hurts.
When it really comes down to it, we are creating pages and heavily curated personas to please the algorithm and people we will literally never meet in person. That is not community. When I ran my @energy.with.emily influencer account, I met countless people through social media, and it genuinely felt like community. And then I decided to stop posting. I lost 40,000 “friends” overnight.
That is not real community.
In full transparency, committing 100% to leaving social media has still been something I’m really struggling with. Everything in me screams to run (!!!) and follow my values (!!!), but there’s always doubt: What if I become a nobody without these platforms?
But I don’t know if I’m asking the right question. I think the real question should be: What if these platforms hold me back from becoming someone?
Someone who sends flowers on their best friend’s birthday. Someone who thinks to pick up soup when their partner is sick. Someone who stops to hold the door open and says hi on their morning walk (because they’re not staring at their phone). Someone who calls to check on the status of their friend’s new job. Someone who can lend a hand.
I’m still working on a lot of these things, but I recognize that when I’m preoccupied with “did that person like my post?” or getting the perfect angle, or living vicariously through the influencer who has everything I don’t, I’m extremely unable to think of others, let alone build a meaningful community in my backyard.
If you’re craving a sense of community and using social media to scratch the itch, below is a list of ways you can find that in real life (a lot of these I’ve done or I’m currently working on!)
- Ask a friend or colleague to meet for coffee.
- Look for local events, and go (you don’t have to find these on social media… think bulletin boards, your local library’s website, places of business, newsletters, city magazines, word of mouth, google, etc.)
- Join a professional organization or group.
- Volunteer somewhere!
- Get active in a league (pickleball, golf, sand volleyball, you name it) .
- Host your own events! Last year, I ran a cookbook club with friends.
- Bake cookies for your neighbor.
- Take a class. I took a pottery class and I’m signing up for a latte art class soon.
- Start a coworking group if you work from home.
- Write an email to someone you admire and ask if they’d like to meet.
- Find a support group near you.
- Host a block party and invite your neighbors via paper invitation in their mailbox.
- Start a book club.
- Facetime your family. Text a friend.
- Go to a concert (and put your phone away).
- Attend a fitness class.
- Compliment the person in front of you at the grocery store.
- Reach out to an old teacher or professor.
- Find a church or religious group you vibe with!
- Make time for self care <3 You’ll have more space to pour into your community.
Hope you enjoyed these ideas and my take on the “community” illusion of social media. Let me know how you’re building connections in real life using the comments below 🙂
Wishing you less time on your screen,
-Emily